The Charity Hitman

It's been a slow few days in the scam world, not so much because there have been fewer scam artists but because they have all been so boring and predictable, so it was nice to get something different even if it was a threat! This one was perhaps the worst I’ve had at telling stories yet! They couldn’t get straight where they were from, they were from Houston then mid east London, you know Manchester. I think her usual story was they were from California based on the name they were using but when they heard that's where I was from they decided to ad lib. Then they sent me a picture of a pretty blonde girl that had been forwarded 5 or 6 times. They did at least take the initiative to look up the names of the airports in Houston when I asked them which is more than most of them will do. They got upset with me when I told them how bad they were and I think they thought I was from Nigeria for a while because I told them I could fake being from Nigeria better than they were doing just now. The conversation ended with them saying they knew my IP address and that they were going to get me. You know just your typical Christian charity aid worker kind of threat.

cutecalbaby: hello
me: hi
cutecalbaby: i am back
cutecalbaby: are u there?
me: ok
cutecalbaby: so what are u doing?
me: not much really
cutecalbaby: ok
cutecalbaby: so what region are u?
me: california
cutecalbaby: ok
cutecalbaby: are u a christain
me: not much of anything
cutecalbaby: ok
cutecalbaby: so what do u like doing
me: all sorts of things
cutecalbaby: pls can u on ur cam
me: hold on 1 minute
cutecalbaby: like what?
cutecalbaby: ok
cutecalbaby: are u there?
cutecalbaby: so how is d weather in usa
me: it's fine
cutecalbaby: ok
cutecalbaby: so scott what ur best sport and foods?
me: I don't really play sports
me: I like all sorts of food and cook all sorts of things
cutecalbaby: why?
cutecalbaby: but i love sport
me: I'm old and fat
cutecalbaby: so u can cook
me: yes
cutecalbaby: ok
cutecalbaby: it now bad
me: what?
cutecalbaby: fatmen are attime nice
me: ok
cutecalbaby: it not bad
me: ok
cutecalbaby: so what ur email box again
me: me@yahoo.com
cutecalbaby: i have sent it
me: yes.. you're cute... where are you from?
cutecalbaby: usa
cutecalbaby: i told u
me: where specifically?
cutecalbaby: but i am in africa
cutecalbaby: i work in a chrity cares company na
me: where did you grow up?
cutecalbaby: in usa
me: why so vague?
cutecalbaby: i don't understand
me: well the usa is a big place
me: what town?
me: what state?
cutecalbaby: in houston
cutecalbaby: texas
me: ohh ok
me: I have a client in grapevine.. you know it?
cutecalbaby: so u wnat to be my friend?
me: I'm happy to chat
cutecalbaby: client in grapevine?
me: yes..
cutecalbaby: so what do u want in a woman
me: someone on the same continent with me for starters
cutecalbaby: i was born in usa but my dad dead when i was just 1 years old and my mum took me and my brother and sis to uk that in london we live there.before she went to africa becos she is from there and i told her that i want to go back to usa
cutecalbaby: so i went back in d ages of 17
cutecalbaby: so i meet my husband in d years of 24
me: I see...
cutecalbaby: i gave birth in d ages of 27
me: well you sure don't write like you grew up in Texas
cutecalbaby: yes
cutecalbaby: i grew up in uk
me: ohh ok
me: where in the uk?
cutecalbaby: but i came back when i was 17
me: I see
cutecalbaby: london,mideast
cutecalbaby: ok
me: mideast?
me: the girl in the pic looks only about 20
cutecalbaby: what ages did i tell u that i am?
me: you just said you had a baby at 27
cutecalbaby: i work in uk in a chrity care company
me: having trouble keeping your story straight?
cutecalbaby: i ma 30
me: I see
cutecalbaby: and that me in d pic
me: ok
cutecalbaby: so that all my life
me: ok
me: so what's mideast london?
cutecalbaby: so scott if i asked 4 ur help becos i want to go back to usa but i have no money here,
cutecalbaby: becos i gave my family down here all i got an di also open astores 4 my home
cutecalbaby: so will u help me?
me: I'd think you were a pretty lousy scam artist who can't even create a vaguely believable story
cutecalbaby: no
cutecalbaby: pls wait
me: well let's talk about London for a while... or Houston.. I have a feeling I know more about them than you do
cutecalbaby: i just want to buy some item there so that i could sell here.
cutecalbaby: so will u help me?
me: no
me: you're not from houston
me: you
me: re not from London
cutecalbaby: i am from
cutecalbaby: i will not lie to u
me: you're not the girl in the picture
me: okay... so answer a few questions
cutecalbaby: i am i will not lie
cutecalbaby: what?
cutecalbaby: what if i get it will u help me?

(really long pause, like 5 minutes here)

me: what are the names of the 2 airports in houston?
me: easy question if you lived there until you were 17
me: I'm sorry... time's up... but thanks for playing
cutecalbaby: hobby airport
me: little slow there
cutecalbaby: george bush
me: what's the other one?
cutecalbaby: airport
me: see now I know you never lived there
me: do you know why?
cutecalbaby: why?
me: well 13 years ago george bush had a different name
me: which is what you would have used
cutecalbaby: i know
me: and the name was?
cutecalbaby: i don't know about d old name
cutecalbaby: that d one i knew
me: that's funny... I would have thought you'd remember becasue it's the airport you would have left from to go to the UK
me: such a big event in your life and you don't remember the name of the airport
cutecalbaby: d name of d airport i took to uk i can't remember taht becos i was very little
me: you just told me you were 17 when you left Houston
me: geez I remember your story better than you do
cutecalbaby: no i told u that i was just one and i came back just7u0o-p;'p[
cutecalbaby: '17
me: whatever...
me: so you were an adult in london thne right?
me: we can talk london if you want... I actually know a lot more about london than I do Houston
cutecalbaby: YEA
me: so where is mideast london?
me: the west end I know
me: the east end
me: the city
cutecalbaby: manchester
me: but never the mideast
me: huh?
cutecalbaby: hmm
cutecalbaby: yeah
me: I thought you told me london?
cutecalbaby: yes
me: you really really don't have a clue
cutecalbaby: i have in abundance
me: I've talked with a lot of African scammers and most are bad... but you are absolutely the worst
me: let me give you a hint.... don't make up where you're from if you know nothing about it
cutecalbaby: why? u say that
me: it's true
me: you know nothing about texas
me: you know nothying about the uk
cutecalbaby: i told u all about usa nd uk
cutecalbaby: i know
me: oh shit I could fake being from lagos better than you've done
cutecalbaby: so u be naija
me: naija?
cutecalbaby: yeah
me: don't know what that is
cutecalbaby: ok
cutecalbaby: so u being nto lagos?
me: no never have... that's why I wouldn't try to fake it
cutecalbaby: ur fafa dey mad
cutecalbaby: so what are u saying
me: see that's good old African speak
cutecalbaby: but how do u know lagos?
me: ohh it was just a guess
cutecalbaby: u re a lier
me: I'm a liar?
cutecalbaby: yeah
cutecalbaby: becos u are from nigeria and i know u from somewhere
cutecalbaby: no wonder ur cam did not on?
me: I see.. you get caught at being a completely incompetant scammer and I'm a liar?
me: I think that's you're problem
cutecalbaby has accepted to view your webcam.

cutecalbaby: u re a scammer

me: what have I asked for?
cutecalbaby: you're problem
ur cam is not openin
me: just a hint dear manchester is about 600 miles from london and no one from manchester would ever say london
me: well look at my profile
me: there is a picture
me: and unlike you
me: it really is my picture
cutecalbaby: that cool
cutecalbaby: so what are u sayin will u help me?
cutecalbaby: so what do u wnt me to say?
me: why would I help someone that's such and obvious fraud???
cutecalbaby: but what if what i say is ....
me: you are what?
cutecalbaby: a female and i am in africa now
cutecalbaby: ok call me phone number now
me: yes and my guess is you've been there all your life
cutecalbaby: and u will know if i am a lier
me: no sorry I don't call africa
cutecalbaby: ok
me: well I'd recognize a manchester or a houston accent in an instant
cutecalbaby: give me ur own phone number?
me: no if you have a mic I'll listen to you
me: I'd also recognize an African accent
cutecalbaby: yeah i know
cutecalbaby: ok 4 u to beleive me y dont u call me now
me: why should I pay money?
me: if you had a vaguely coherent story maybe
cutecalbaby: +2348025591385
me: but it's awful...
me: I mean you're the worst I've ever chatted with...
me: are you new?
me: see most only make up one story...
cutecalbaby: hey if u dont wanna do deal wit me den furk off
cutecalbaby: my feind
me: but making up 2 is really dumb you just double your chances of getting caught
cutecalbaby: do u know what i can do to u?
cutecalbaby: do u know that i have ur IP ADDRESS KNOW
me: wow.. that really sounds like something a charity worker would say
me: great..
me: I'll sign off and back on and poof differnt ip
cutecalbaby: yeah
cutecalbaby: ok
cutecalbaby: but i will get u?
me: so charity workers usually track ip addresses?
me: and threaten people?
me: or just scam artists?
me: hmmm?