Jerry's Relapse

This is a sad story... not an hour after chatting with Jerry from his captive hospital room in London where he made a miraculous recovery from eye cancer. I get an e-mail from him. But now he has $10 million he needs help giving away because he's dying of cancer. He's not in London any more, he's moved to Dubai so I guess he's gotten his hopsital bill taken care of!

Dear Friend,

As you read this, I don\'t want you to feel sorry for me,
because, I believe everyone will die someday.My name is
jerry bell, a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E.I have
been diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer which was discovered
very late, due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has
defiled all forms of medicine, and right now I have only
about a few months to live, according to medical experts.I
have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never
really cared for anyone not even myself but my business.
Though I amvery rich, I was never generous, I was always
hostile to people and only focused on my business as that
was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this
as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting
to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when
God gives me a second chance to come to this world
I would live my life a different way from how I have lived
it.

Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of
my properties and assets to my immediate and extended
family members and as well as a few close
friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul
and so, I have
decided to give arms to charity organizations and give
succour and confort
to the less priviledged in our societies, as I want this to
be one of the lastgood deeds I do on earth.

So far, I have distributed money to some charity
organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that
my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this my
self anymore. Ionce asked members of my family to close one
of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there
to charity organization and tothe less priviledged but they
refused and kept the money to themselves.Hence, I do not
trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with
what I have left for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash
deposit of Ten million dollars($10m) that I have in Europe
for safe keeping.I will want you
to help me recieve this deposit and disburse it to some
charity organizations
and to the less priviledged.


Please send me a mail to indicate if you will assist me in
this disbursement.I have set aside 10% for you, for your
time andpatience.You can e-mail me
atjerry135_bell@yahoo.com
jerry135_bell@yahoo.com

While I await to hear from you, may God be with you and
your
entire family.

Remain blessed,

jerry bell.

The Liberian Comes Clean

Now this guy was good. One of the best. He almost had me believing him. I knew he was a scammer but he was good enough to have be thinking about going easy on him. But then he tried just a little too hard.. overplayed it a little. So I let him have it and he came clean. I was flattering, told him he was pretty good and he was honest with me. He even offered me a partnership. This guy is definitely one to be careful of and I'm sure many a good Samaratan is taken in.

He spilled a lot of good secrets, how they use women's pictures because they work so much better and how much he makes. That I think was as much bragadoccio as anything else after all he worked me for well over an hour and was trying for fifty bucks.

franca4u0147: hello

me: hi

franca4u0147: how u doing?

franca4u0147: asl pls

me: I'm okay you?

me: you can see my asl on my profile thanks

franca4u0147: 28f from liberia

me: ohh okay

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: ur name pls

franca4u0147: im fransica

me: Scott

franca4u0147: nice meetingu

me: nice meeting you too

franca4u0147: ty

franca4u0147: u married?

me: no I'm a widower

franca4u0147: sory

me: well was a long time ago

franca4u0147: whit how maney kids

me: no kids

franca4u0147: ur age

me: 50

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: u have cam?

me: yes

franca4u0147: can i see u

me: sure

franca4u0147: ty

franca4u0147 has started viewing your webcam.

me: sure

franca4u0147: u hubby

me: huh?

franca4u0147: do u like blck lady?

me: sure

franca4u0147: send ur email address to see my pics

me: me@yahoo.com

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: hold on 4 my pics

me: ok

franca4u0147: w

franca4u0147: what do u do 4 a living?

me: I'm a partner in a software company

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: can i ad u?

me: sure if you like

franca4u0147: scott pls ur location?

me: california

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: i was once a final yr student in my contry b4 the war started in liberia

me: ohh ok that's too bad

franca4u0147: my father wsa kidd due to the war and my boyfriend and my two yonger brother

franca4u0147: i was resque by the nigeria army

Yahoo! Messenger: franca4u0147 may be offline. If so, the message will be sent and franca4u0147 will see it after signing in.(4/30/2005 5:05 PM)

me: ohh ok

franca4u0147: now im in nigeria whit my mom

me: ohh ok

franca4u0147: did u see my pics

me: just looking now

me: you are very pretty

franca4u0147: ty

franca4u0147: scott how was ur love life?

me: don't have one really

franca4u0147: sure

franca4u0147: mom colapse a week ago

me: ohh sorry to hear that

franca4u0147: this make me so worried

franca4u0147: now am at hospital cafe

me: ohh ok

franca4u0147: how is life over there scott

me: it's okay

franca4u0147: SCOTT LIKE HOW MUCH U MAKE MONTLY

me: nothing

franca4u0147: I MAEN UR PAY

me: yes.. I don't take a slaray

franca4u0147: WHY?

me: becasue all the money except my expenses goes back into the company

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: do u live alone

me: yes

franca4u0147: can i stay whit u if i come over there?

franca4u0147: after mum opration finish?

me: well not sure you could get a visa

franca4u0147: my mum is sivk 4 now this make me so worried

franca4u0147: cox i dont want to lose her cox she is the only one lef 4 me

me: ok I understand

franca4u0147: can u get a job 4 me there?

me: well the problem is you can't get a visa

franca4u0147: yes

franca4u0147: can i stay whit u?

me: well if you can get there

franca4u0147: i will

me: ok

franca4u0147: mum have a kidney problem

franca4u0147: this make me worried

me: I see...

franca4u0147: can u do me a favoure?

me: what's that?

franca4u0147: one of mum old freind just arrive from mexico saw mum condition she feel so bad 4 her

me: I see

franca4u0147: but promise to help me whit some cash

me: I see

franca4u0147: but she said 4 now she has no cash at hand

me: oh I see

franca4u0147: but promise to issue me a check drawn in U.S A BANK

franca4u0147: but on one condition

me: hat's that?

franca4u0147: she said if only i have trusted friend over there that can help me to cash the money and send back for mom opration to commense queicly

franca4u0147: pls can u help me to cash the check?

me: why doesn't she just have someone from her family transfer the money directly?

franca4u0147: she is a business woman

franca4u0147: she travell alot

me: even better... have someone from her company transfer cash

franca4u0147: she has no company

franca4u0147: she travell to buy goods

me: thought you said she was a businesswoman

franca4u0147: yes

me: well she should be able to get in touch with her bank and arrange a transfer

franca4u0147: she can only isuue me the check

me: well then

me: I can't help you...

franca4u0147: she said i should look for someone to do that 4 me

me: I can't do anything with a check made out to you

franca4u0147: can u help me whit some money?

me: no sorry I don't send money to people I've never met

franca4u0147: she is not responding well to treatment

me: sorry to hear that

franca4u0147: no

franca4u0147: is not yet made out to me

franca4u0147: only that she promise to issue me only if i have some that i can intrust the check

franca4u0147: bcos it cant be cash here in our local ,bank

franca4u0147: and i dont wana lose my mum

me: I see...

franca4u0147: if it possible cashing here , i we not be ineed of ur help

franca4u0147: over tyhere

me: well if you send me the check you couldn't have the money for a month

franca4u0147: why

franca4u0147: dont u have a checking account

franca4u0147: u there

franca4u0147: pls

me: well it would take a week for the check to get here at least.. depending on what bank the check is drawn on it could take up to 2 weeks for it to clear

franca4u0147: this is very matter to me

me: how much is this check for?

franca4u0147: really

me: really

franca4u0147: she wana help with $2800

franca4u0147: can u cash that immediately in ur bank

franca4u0147: pls

me: no my bank won't release the funds to me until it clears

franca4u0147: did u have a checking account

franca4u0147: ?

me: yes..

franca4u0147: if u have that

franca4u0147: you can kindly pay the check into ur account

franca4u0147: and cash the money out

franca4u0147: so that my mum ghost cx

me: no I've bounced some checks so now they hold the funds until the check clear

franca4u0147: can be save

franca4u0147: why did ur check bounced

me: plus I have another problem... it would show up as income to me..

me: becasue my client bounced a check on me

franca4u0147: who that ur client

me: what difference does it make to you?

franca4u0147: i dont know

franca4u0147: that is why am asking u this

me: okay...

me: so you see we're looking at almost a month before you could get any money

me: your friend just needs to call her bank and arrange a transfer

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: this is loca bank here

franca4u0147: if that is possible she we not need ur hjelp

me: I thought you said it was an american bank

franca4u0147: yes

me: ok

me: how deos she do business in Nigeria?

franca4u0147: she travell all over there word

franca4u0147: world

me: but how does she pay for things?

franca4u0147: she has spent little physical cash with her

franca4u0147: bcos she like he;lping allot of peole

me: oic

franca4u0147: pls can u giove me the info to send u the check

franca4u0147: bcos at this time

franca4u0147: i dont have a choice

me: so you going to wait a month or more for the money?

franca4u0147: yes

franca4u0147: better than having no hop[e

me: well I can't promise to even be in the US when the check clears

franca4u0147: i we

franca4u0147: i always stand on my promise

franca4u0147: ok

me: ok

me: go to my web site

franca4u0147: we u help me for a jon

me: the link is on the profile

franca4u0147: job

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: i we

franca4u0147: okm

me: go toabout us and mail it to that address

franca4u0147: what

me: if you're sending a check for me to cash that's where I want it sent

franca4u0147: you send it cash to the hospital cashier

franca4u0147: via western union money transfer

franca4u0147: it fast and save

franca4u0147: i think the hospital used that

me: I can't send anything until the check you're sending me has cleared

me: I already explained that to you

franca4u0147: yes

franca4u0147: of course

franca4u0147: or you dont really care to help me save my mum soul

franca4u0147: let me know

franca4u0147: am not trying to force you do this

franca4u0147: ok

me: well I told you what it's possible for me to do..

franca4u0147: only that am trusting you

me: if that's not any good... I'm really sorry

me: but it's the only option I can offer you

franca4u0147: am ok

franca4u0147: we u give me the info now

franca4u0147: the early the better for my mum soul

me: I did... go to my profile

franca4u0147: i did

me: okay see the link to my website?

franca4u0147: i did

franca4u0147: so what

franca4u0147: u there

franca4u0147: pls talk with ,me

franca4u0147: pls

me: okay go to about us

franca4u0147: hello

me: on the web site the link it as the top

franca4u0147: i did

franca4u0147: so what

franca4u0147: what pls

franca4u0147: cant get u better

franca4u0147: or u dont really care to help me with this

franca4u0147: am askinmg u

franca4u0147: let me knwo

BUZZ!!!

me: I told you what to do..

franca4u0147: what'

me: mail it to the address in the about us section...

me: the us address not the irish one

franca4u0147: i canty

franca4u0147: get the address

franca4u0147: there

me: why not?

franca4u0147: there is no adress there

franca4u0147: i onluy

franca4u0147: only have this at up

me: yes see about us at the top?

franca4u0147: this right

me: yes

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: ur name to be written on the check

franca4u0147: pls

me: the company name

franca4u0147: what is the company name

franca4u0147: pls

me: you're looking at the web page

me: yes

franca4u0147: this right

franca4u0147: pls i dont wana make any error

me: ok

franca4u0147: that is why am careful with all my question

franca4u0147: pls bear with me

me: ok

franca4u0147: one more favour from u pls

me: what's that?

franca4u0147: the company name we be written like this

franca4u0147: pls

me: yes that's fine

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: pls now mum is not responding good to treatmnet as at yesterday

franca4u0147: and doctor said the operation is getting late

franca4u0147: that is why

me: well I'm not going to be much help

franca4u0147: pls now he said i should get her some drugs which ica

me: it will be the end of may the beginning of June before I'll be able to get you any money

franca4u0147: pls i have already sold his wedding ring out of $120 i can onlyb raise $70

franca4u0147: pls can u help me with $50

franca4u0147: b4 the check come

franca4u0147: pls i wana get her drugs pls

me: no sorry.... remember I told you I don't take a salary

me: I don't have any money

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: brb

me: ok

franca4u0147: i have to see my younger brother

franca4u0147: pls

me: ok

me: shouldn't he be asleep at this hour?

franca4u0147: yes

franca4u0147: that is why i wana go and look after him

franca4u0147: and mum

me: ok

franca4u0147: ty

franca4u0147: i just hoip

franca4u0147: hope

franca4u0147: u pray for me and my mum now

me: of course

me: of course

franca4u0147: am back

franca4u0147: pls

me: ok

franca4u0147: pls it still critical here for my mum

franca4u0147: honestly speacking

me: sorry to hear that

franca4u0147: am worried now

franca4u0147: she cant have her sleep well

me: well I undestand

franca4u0147: it really worried me

me: so what operation do they want to do?

franca4u0147: and i belive you can help me send the 50$ so that i can get her drugs

franca4u0147: pls]

franca4u0147: transplanting

me: I told you what I can do...

franca4u0147: there is already a donor

me: I see

franca4u0147: she is on the list

me: ohh ok

franca4u0147: only the money delay

me: well I don't think I'm a very good option for you then

franca4u0147: pls

franca4u0147: i know

franca4u0147: but now she need this drugs badly

me: well perhaps I should leave you to find someone better

franca4u0147: and his friend is not around now

franca4u0147: who

me: who is he?

franca4u0147: or did u want me to lose her

me: well there just is nothing I can do

franca4u0147: mrs janet will

me: I don't have any money at all..

me: all I could do it what I told you

me: I told you all my money goes into my company

franca4u0147: pls can u send the money online if u dont have a physical cash to send

franca4u0147: [pls

me: I don't have anyway to do that

franca4u0147: dont u pay ur bill

me: the offer I have made is all I can do

me: huh?

franca4u0147: why u hiding ur feeling to me

me: what feelings?

franca4u0147: when am trying to be pure and close to u in my spirit

franca4u0147: why???????????????

franca4u0147: i know u are a angel

me: I'm not following you

me: actually i'm a scum bag rat bastard

franca4u0147:

me: still thee?

me: there

franca4u0147: am

me: why is that?

franca4u0147: i dont know

me: ohh ok

franca4u0147: i have one in my life time meet myself in this kind of situation

me: what's that?

franca4u0147: am getting losing my control

franca4u0147: bcos i mhave no one for me

me: ohh sorry to hear that

franca4u0147: if my dad is alive all this is not a problem

me: I see

franca4u0147: what can u do to save my situation now

franca4u0147: i lose my my mum

franca4u0147: i we kill my self

me: I told you what can do.. so it looks like you really should go find someone else

franca4u0147: HOLD ON YOU MEAN U CAN SEND ME $50

me: no.. I said I couldn't...

franca4u0147: I KNOW U HAVE IT

me: no I don't really... I haven't figured out how to pay my rent tomorrow

franca4u0147: pls

franca4u0147: pls

me: well look I've told you what I can do... it's clear that's not acceptable to you so let's just forget the whole thing

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: pray for me and mum

me: ok

franca4u0147: i have to go now

me: bye

me: nice performance

me: you get an A best story I've heard in a long time

franca4u0147: what u mean

franca4u0147: cant undeestand this

me: ohh I get these stories from Africans 10 to 15 x a week...

me: you were almost believably

franca4u0147: what

franca4u0147: u talking about

me: Africans wanting checks cashed... sick family

me: millions stashed...

franca4u0147: what a hell u talking about

franca4u0147: scott

me: ohh I know there is no mom

franca4u0147: did u mean i tell u story or

me: no friend

me: no check

me: no doctor

franca4u0147: what

me: no cafe in the hospital

franca4u0147: no hospital

me: just someone looking for a quick buck

franca4u0147: am a spirit they

franca4u0147: have u be scam b4

franca4u0147: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

me: no but I get the comeons all the time

franca4u0147: what u mean

me: always the same... pictures of pretty girls

franca4u0147: u mean my pix

me: vague promises of them being with me

me: and hit up for money

franca4u0147: have u send them money b4

me: no I'm not that foolish

me: but you were good... muvh better than most

franca4u0147: so why do u gave me ur address to send u a check when u are not foolish man

me: it's not a real address

me: it's just a mock up of a web site

me: I have a web blog where I post conversations I've had with scam artists

franca4u0147: thats y u told me to go site to look 4 the address too?

franca4u0147: that means u are a master too?

me: yes.. anyone can throw up a web page

franca4u0147: have you scam someone too

me: no I'm honest

me: I just like exposing the scam artists

franca4u0147: so do u mean u are trying to expose me now

me: yup

franca4u0147: but im 4 real

me: of course you are

me: everyone looking for money in Africa is real

franca4u0147: yes

franca4u0147: but to me im teling u the truth

me: that's what they all tell me

franca4u0147: av u read a liberian war book b4 in usa

me: oh I know about Liberia

me: sad story

franca4u0147: so why telling me now that im lieing 4 u

me: ohh you have the classic story...

me: se if there really was a check your friend could easily arrange a transfer

franca4u0147: nooooooooo

me: all she'd need to do is call her bank on Monday morning

franca4u0147: cant possible here

me: I'm not a fool

franca4u0147: cos our own country is still a local country

me: but it is possible with a US bank

franca4u0147: yes

franca4u0147: cos is an advance country

me: and you told me the check you were sending was coming from a US bank

franca4u0147: is drawn in US BANK

franca4u0147: so it can clear there

me: see you're caught...

franca4u0147: only check drawn in nigerian bank can clear here

franca4u0147: as how?

me: if it's drawn on a US bank then your friend must have an account with a US bank

me: so if she does she could arrange a tranfer for you

franca4u0147: but she is now in africa

franca4u0147: not in US

me: yes well last I heard telephones work

me: I know if i'm in Africa and I need to get money all I'd have to do is call my bank

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: thks 4 advising me

me: this check thing is a classic scam

franca4u0147: so can we be a business partner

me: huh?

franca4u0147: forget about that

franca4u0147: everybody need money

me: yes

franca4u0147: are u enemy of money

me: no I'm an enemy of fraud

me: I work hard for my money

me: I give people an honest product

me: and an honest days work

franca4u0147: is cos u live a happy life since u grow up that make u talk nonsense 4 mouth

franca4u0147: do u know how i grow up over here so i suppose to need money badly here

franca4u0147: ok

franca4u0147: i grow as a radical here'

me: well I have friends in viet nam who's father was tortured in prison but she never tried to steal money

me: she works hard and tries to get ahead

franca4u0147: what how did he enter proson then

me: not make up silly sob story lies to try and convince honest people to send their hard earned money

me: he was an officer in the south viet namese army when the north took over he was put in prison

franca4u0147: u mean the person is living in USA over there doing such a thing

me: no it's only the Africans so far as I've seen that try to get money like this

franca4u0147: dont u knw the person is a wise man than u u are among the old school slave

me: they seem to be the only ones that don't want to work hard at honest work to get ahead

me: so stealing is the way to go eh?

franca4u0147: u come to this world to work while me come to this world to cash money

franca4u0147: dont u see the difference

me: so how many suckers do you land with this story?

franca4u0147: trillions

franca4u0147: thks God u are not among

franca4u0147: but i just want to tell u u are living dead

me: right.. so that's why you're up in the middle of the night trying to hustle me for 50 bucks

franca4u0147: plenty is still coming

me: well that's why I do what I do...

me: to educate people

franca4u0147: u mean u are now a educator

me: have been all along

franca4u0147: hello mr educator

franca4u0147: nice meeting u

me: nice meeting you too..

me: my guess is you're not even a woman right?

franca4u0147: can we be a business partner

me: no don't think so...

me: I have a conscience

franca4u0147: do u think im a woman b4

franca4u0147: so u are 100% fool

me: oh I was never sure

franca4u0147: why all american man like to talk to woman than man

me: well black Africans have gotten such a bad rap there is no hope for them

me: too many really ridiculous scams

franca4u0147: my hope

franca4u0147: mr hope

franca4u0147: how many house av u build over there

me: plus lots of American guys are lonely and horny... so they see a pretty girl and think with their dick

me: just one

franca4u0147: cos we new u die 4 ladys more than man

franca4u0147: thats y

franca4u0147: why dont u like ur local lady

me: yup but you have an uphill battle.. the filipina girls are much better at it then you are

me: and they are mostly real... and not nearly so greedy

franca4u0147: cos there are suffering over there so they use to fall 4 anybody they see over there pls dont compare nigerian lady wt filifpina lady

me: I don't believe anything from the net

me: yeah but you can bet the filipina girls rake in a lot more money than the nigerian ones

franca4u0147: k

franca4u0147: can i be sending check to u and u cash it and deduct ur own percentage and send mer my own as a business partner

me: I know a couple that get 2-3 grand a month.. don't even try hard to get it

me: business partner as what?

me: hey but thanks... you came clean at least... most of you just storm off

me: well I need to go but have fun... you're good... you could convince someone with a raging hard on...

me: but you have this tough problem you can't overcome.... the filipinas come on cam and flash those cute little bodies you need to find a solution for that to make it big

Jerry The Miracle Cancer Survivor

Well I thought it was going to be a slow day today. But it figures I just finish writing my blog about petty scam artists where I list all the major sorts of scams I've run ito and no sooner do I get it published when what happens? I get an instant message from Jerry with a whole new scam. I mean brand spanking new. Hot off the press. And it's a lulu. It seems poor Jerry is being held captive in a London hospital until he comes up with the money to pay off his bill. Sounds like page 1 stuff for the Sun.. well maybe page 2.. it would only be page if he had big boobs!
This one was just too good to wait.. and here it is in all it's glory.

jerry135bell: DEAR,FRIEND,

HOW ARE YOU DOING,I BELEIVE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU. DEAR, I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW A LITTLE THING THAT IS BOTHERING ME AT THE MOMENT.

I HAS BEEN ILL FOR SOME TIMES NOW AND THE HOSPITAL BILL IS REALLY TELLING ON ME BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY SO THAT I CAN BE DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL.

SO, PLEASE I NEED AN ASSITTTANCE FROM YOU TO SETTLE THE HOSPITAL BILLS. I WILL BE VERY HAPPY AND APPRECIATIVE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

WITH LOVE

JERRY BELL.

me: right and I'm the queen of sheeba

jerry135bell: in where pls

me: california

me: you've got an irish yahoo address

jerry135bell: are you a DR

me: no

me: are you irish?

jerry135bell: NO

me: how did you end up with an irish yahoo id?

jerry135bell: so how are you doing today ?

me: I'm ok

jerry135bell: i just like it

me: ok.. so where are you?

jerry135bell: london

jerry135bell: that is UK

me: yes been there

me: 30 or 40x

me: what part of london?

jerry135bell: hudderfeild

me: I see

jerry135bell: have you been to uk before

me: yes.. many times...

me: that's what's confusing to me

jerry135bell: wow that is nice

jerry135bell: am in hospita now and i need your help pls

me: what about the national health?

jerry135bell: i have been there

me: been where?

jerry135bell: i mean the natioanal health

me: you're realyl in london?

jerry135bell: they are not willing to assit

jerry135bell: yeah

me: national health isn't a place

jerry135bell: is a hospital

jerry135bell: a health centre

me: no it's all the hospitals...

jerry135bell: yeah

jerry135bell: all i neee from youi is an assittances

jerry135bell: need*

me: you wouldn't get admitted to a private care hospital if you didn't have insurance

me: man I don't even live in the UK and can see right through this story

jerry135bell: so that i can pay off my bills

me: no offense.. but you really need to work on this scam

jerry135bell: i have been thwere for the past two years

me: it's really really lame

jerry135bell: dear, am not and can never play with my health

jerry135bell: i can give you the hospitals number

jerry135bell: to confirm

me: yes but your story makes no sense... if you're in england health care is paid for by the national health boeard

me: board..

me: they aren't going to keep you there until you can pay

me: that's ridiculous

jerry135bell: i said i have been to the natioanla health

me: the national health covers everyone... it's universal insurance

me: I'm not an idiot..

jerry135bell: which they said i have to look for another hospiatl taht will handle the illness

jerry135bell: that was y i went to a private hosipatal

jerry135bell: hospital*

me: but the other hopital wounldn't take you if you couldn't pay

jerry135bell: for an urgent treatment

me: but you've been there for 2 years?

jerry135bell: one have to pay part of the money b4 the treatment starts

jerry135bell: so, what i have paid is the first payment that allow them to start the treatment

me: and the hospital has kept you there for 2 years?

jerry135bell: so, i need some money to complete the balance payment so that i can be discharged

jerry135bell: the illness

me: so they won't let you go until you pay?

jerry135bell: has kept me for two years

me: I see...

me: what was your illness?

jerry135bell: i have some little balance to pay

jerry135bell: cancer

me: what sort of cancer?

jerry135bell: cancer of the eyes

me: I see...

jerry135bell: yeah

me: so how is you can see the keyboard and screen?

jerry135bell: i said am alright now

jerry135bell: but i need to pay the hospital

jerry135bell: bills

me: a fucking miracle I'd say

jerry135bell: ok

me: since cancer of the eye is 1 extremely rare

me: 2. 99.9999999999% of the time leaves you blind

me: and 3. 99.99% of the time is quickly fatal

jerry135bell: it was by the grace i was able to see again

jerry135bell: i really thNX GOD FOR IT

jerry135bell: so, all i need now is an assittances

jerry135bell: to settle the hospital bills

me: well if you've got that kind of luck you should have no problems

me: so the hospital won't let you leave?

me: maybe that's why you chose an Irish yahoo ID.. you've got the luck of the Irish

me: still there?

jerry135bell: look i need your help pls

me: I just want to be clear on the facts and I'll help you okay?

me: you've had cancer

me: you were treated in a hospital

me: and now they won't let you leave until you pay the bill right?

me: you there???

jerry135bell: ok

jerry135bell: but i havbe some money

me: I see...

me: what's the name and address of the hospital?

me: you there?

me: I'm ready to help but I need that information

jerry135bell: regency hospital

me: okay in Huddlefied?

jerry135bell: yeah

me: okay... I'll take care of it

me: I'll call Sky

me: and the metropolitan police

jerry135bell: ok

jerry135bell: no problem

me: becasue it's against the law for you to be held there for non payment

jerry135bell: i know

jerry135bell: so, you are going to assit me

me: yes..

jerry135bell: thanx

me: I'm going to e-mail Sky news... it's the kind of story they love

me: as soon as the reporters show up you should have no more problems

jerry135bell: ok

jerry135bell: thanx for that

me: ok

jerry135bell: is that what you do for now

me: yes

jerry135bell: ok

me: and even better... I'm gonna make you famous

jerry135bell: ok

jerry135bell: but cant you help me financially

me: yeah I have a blog where I put dialogs I've had with scam artists..

me: and man yours is great

jerry135bell: ok

me: you'd have to be a complete and total moron to believe your story

me: thanks... is this your e-mail?

jerry135bell: yes

me: ohh okay... well if I win an award for this one... I'll drop you an e-mail

me: this one is priceless...

me: where are you really from?

jerry135bell: uk

me: really... and you think you can pull off a scam like this?

me: it's usually the nigerians that come up with lame crap like this

jerry135bell: am not a nigerian ok

me: yeah but I can't belive you're English

me: though your english skills are better than most

me: so how do you feel about the Old Bailey?

jerry135bell: look i dont like how you are talking to me ok

jerry135bell: pls live me now

me: why because I see you for what you are?

me: how could you be on the net from the hospital at 2 in the morning?

jerry135bell: am a not a scam ok

me: right and I'm Prince Charles

jerry135bell: ok

jerry135bell: as i told you i need help from you pls

me: and I told you you are a lying fraud

jerry135bell: ok

me: and you've done nothing but give me a cockamamie impossible story

Houston-- We have a Problem

This one was fun. They were very persistent. She claimed she was from Houston but as you read it will become obvious couldn't find Houston on a map even if she had help!
Long after I made it clear I knew they were lying they kept at it. I even started insulting her, but she kept at it. For me this one is the most difficult to understand if you've never been some place it's so easy to get caught in a lie, especially if there is a chance the person you're chatting with has been there. Some people just never catch on! The same pattern Attractive picture, vague promises of liasons etc, etc, etc. This one though was using a real picture instead of the super model.

Her Profile




sentremmy: hello
sentremmy: how are u
sentremmy: asl
me: hi
sentremmy: asl
me: ohh I'm old
me: m
me: california
sentremmy: not bad
me: you?
sentremmy: ur age
me: 50
sentremmy: am too young
sentremmy: 25 f
me: ok
sentremmy: location
me: california
sentremmy: state
me: last time I heard california was a state
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: wat do u do for a living
me: partner in a software company
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: can i view ur cam
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: ur name
me: scott
sentremmy: am jenny smith
me: ohh ok
sentremmy: u there
me: yes
sentremmy: am a student
me: ohh okay.... where do you go to school?
sentremmy: and am an orphan
me: I see sorry to hear that
sentremmy: i sponsur my self
me: ok
sentremmy: i lost my dadand mum earliar this year
me: sorry to hear that
sentremmy: in vehicle accident
sentremmy: now i have no father and mother
me: that's too bad...
sentremmy: i born in texas
me: I see
sentremmy: but my dad had a company in africa
me: oh ok
sentremmy: but when i get to africa i see that the company was burnt
me: I see
sentremmy: right now am in africa
me: where in texas are you from?
sentremmy: but i need money to get my flght back to texas
sentremmy: hoston
me: how did you fly to africa on a one way ticket if you have an american passport?
sentremmy: i have my own ticket the one am using to travel
sentremmy: my dad got it for me before he died
me: if you're an american citizen you would have to buy a roundtrip ticket...
me: you can't travel to any african country on a one way ticket
sentremmy: i don't no any thing bout it if it is my dad is alive he can talk about it cos i don't have money to buy ticket
sentremmy: am still small girl
me: 25 isn't small... you're an adult
me: what airport did you fly out of in Houston to get to Africa?
sentremmy: but i need to get back to texas but i don't have enough money for flight
me: well I think you're full of it... I don't think you have ever been to Texas
me: I think you're just another African scam artist
sentremmy: no
sentremmy: don't u undrestand me
me: so what airport did you fly out of to get to Africa?
me: it's a simple question... how come you can't answer it?
sentremmy: well when i get back
sentremmy: we will no each other
me: how come you won't tell me how you flew from Houston to Africa?
me: what airport did you leave from... what airline?
sentremmy: u know take me there
sentremmy: i don't no anything
me: what?
me: how can you not know what airport you flew out of in Houston?
me: unless you are making this up
sentremmy: my dad take me there
sentremmy: can u help me back to texas
me: that makes no sense at all... what did he do drug you and throw you in with the luggage?????
sentremmy: u know i understand all what u are saying
me: so you grew up in houston?
sentremmy: of course
sentremmy: are u single
me: yes I'm single
sentremmy: k
me: so what's the interstate between dallas and houston?
sentremmy: all this question is too difficult for me to answer
me: well of course they are... you've never been in houston
me: or within 3000 miles of it
sentremmy: but my dad no everything about it
me: so are you mentally retarded?
sentremmy: do u see me on profile
me: yes..
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: that is the sample to show u
me: you tell me you grew up in Houston but you can't even answer questions a 9 year old could answer
sentremmy: that i can never lie to someone like
me: so why can't you tell me anything about houston?
sentremmy: u know if is not that my dad and mum has died i can never chart with someone cos my dad dosen't allowed me to go out unless he want to send me an errand
me: so you didn't go to school?
sentremmy: but now i know that God will send me an helper to send me moeny for my flght
me: somewhere there must be someone stupid enough to believe you...
me: but it sure isn't me
sentremmy: have pass out last yera august
sentremmy: i study law
me: at what school?
sentremmy: rustan
sentremmy: in texas
me: where is it in Texas?
me: where did you go as an undergrad?
sentremmy: i go to court of law
sentremmy: pls can u help me
me: jeez you really suck at this
sentremmy: the environment here is too bad
sentremmy: i need too get back
me: I can't believe how bad you are... if you are going to try and scam money form people you have to be able to answer some simple questions
me: you've never been to Houston in your life
me: you're probably not even sure where it is
me: what's the name of the Houston basebal team?
sentremmy: i born in hoston i grew up in hoston
sentremmy: but i don't chart with them
me: okay... so answer qa few questions about houston
me: what radio station did you listen to there?
me: how on earth do you expect people to believe you?????
me: do you really think people are that stupid?
me: you know nothing about the US... nothing about texas
sentremmy: cos in my religion i believe in God i don't lie too someone
sentremmy: ok
me: oh right and I'm Quenn fucking Elisabeth
sentremmy: to asure u that i born in hostos
me: come on how stupid do you think I am??????
sentremmy: not like that
sentremmy: i can i asure u rihgt
me: so how do I get from Houston to Corpus Christi? what didrection do I go?
sentremmy: can u hold the key of my heart
me: well if you were realyl from Houston you could answer some really basic questions
sentremmy: cos i don't believe in lying
me: well then tell me some truth about Houston...
me: tell me a few facts about it
me: you don't even know where it is
sentremmy: i can show u the trust if u can hold the key of my heart
me: I think you're a lying sack of shit
sentremmy: are u married
me: no
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: u know what
me: I know you're an African scam artist
sentremmy: i will like to no ur adress
sentremmy: to show that am trust worhty
me: what area code where you in in houston?
sentremmy: 56493
me: now I know you're a liar
me: you don't even know how many digits in an american area code
sentremmy: i think u don't to believe me
me: no shit sherlock
me: what's to believe...
me: you really suck at this
me: if you are going to scam someone at least spend an hour or 2 learning some basic facts about the place you are supposedly from
sentremmy: when i get back i will do that
me: oh please....
me: you've never fucking been to houston in your life
sentremmy: are u with urn children
me: you have no intention of ever going to houston
sentremmy: k
me: you are looking dfor some sap to send you money and you will never be heard from again
sentremmy: if u can not send me money can u help me to receive goods so that i can see it to get my flight money complete
me: geez you don't miss a trick... so what's next... you dad has money in a lock box in holland and you need my help to get it out????
me: I think you're a scum bag liar... and you just keep trying....
sentremmy: can u helpne to receive goods
sentremmy: i need ur help pls
me: so why are you still talknig to me?
sentremmy: may god bless ur home
me: I think you are a liar and a fraud
sentremmy: ok
sentremmy: to believe
sentremmy: me
me: you have given me no reason to believe you
sentremmy: are u with cell phone
me: you tell me you're from Houston but can't even tell me anything about the city
sentremmy: cos i don't go out
sentremmy: can i hear ur voice
me: but you had to go to school... watch tv...
me: you have to know something about the place you grew uo
me: up
me: I've only been to houston 2 or 3 times but I know all the questions I'm asking you
sentremmy: maybe when i get back to hoston i will went to my collegues
sentremmy: to asked the question
me: you don't even fucking know where houston is...
sentremmy: can i give u my dad cell phone num
me: I don't call Africa
sentremmy: so that u call me
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: can i have ue num
me: I think you're a fraud why would I call you?
me: I don't give it out in chat
sentremmy: so that i can call u
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: no problem
sentremmy: i av to go
me: look you really need to practive if you are going to make it as a scammer.
me: no one is ever going to believe you
sentremmy: since u don't want to believe me
me: well you're a really bad liar
me: why would I believe you
me: you grew up in Houston but can't tell me even one basic fact about the city
me: I can probably tell you more about Lagos than you can tell me about Houston
sentremmy: off course since av been charting with u if am a fraud or a liar i could av ignore u
sentremmy: but since u don't what to believe me
sentremmy: i will like to go
me: well go learn about Houston before you try this crap on someone else
sentremmy: do u know lagos
me: no but I sure could fake it better than you can
sentremmy: that is where my dada company is
sentremmy: i can give u the address to come
me: no thanks
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: since u don't believe
me: wha't to believe..
sentremmy: anything i say is just for god sack
me: you can't even hold a 2 minute conversation about the place you grew up in
me: which tells me you are lying
sentremmy: well god no about everything
sentremmy: k
me: yup god does... but I know a few things too... and god gave me the intelligence to know you're not from Texas
sentremmy: i know that God no about if u don't want too believe me god we answer my prayer
me: well what have you done to make me believe you?
me: you tell me you don't lie.. but I ask you very simple questions.. that any 9 year old living in Houston could answer and you give me a line of bullshit
sentremmy: i can just give u my heart and everything in me
me: do you really think I'm that stupid????
me: you must think i'm an idiot
sentremmy: onto u
me: if you really think I'd berlieve you and send you money
sentremmy: but i try to let u know that am a trust worthy
me: how?
me: by lying that you are from Houston?
me: come on... you realyl think I'm that stupid????????
sentremmy: since u don't want too believe there;s nothing i can do about it but i hadover every thing in God hand
me: well you should learn a little about the place you are supposedly from
sentremmy: ok
sentremmy: no pros
sentremmy: thanx
me: you know nothing... absolutley nothing...
me: how long have yuo been scamming?
me: have you tried this before or am I your 1st one?
me: because you really suck
me: you gave me no reason to even want to try and believe you
sentremmy: ok
me: if you are going to pretend you're really from america... at least learn a few basic facts
me: if you want to send me some money I could coach you
sentremmy: are still there
sentremmy: sorry i got booted
me: yup I'm here
sentremmy: can i view ur cam
sentremmy has started viewing your webcam.

sentremmy: k
sentremmy: u need too trust me
me: why should I trust you?
sentremmy: av ad me
sentremmy: cos i no that u are the helper that god sent to me
me: I tried to hold a conversation with you about your home town and you can't even tell me where it is
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: av u visited lagos before
me: no never have
me: but I have been to Houton
me: I know the names of the airports
sentremmy: k
me: I know the major highways
me: I know the names of the sports teams
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: can u tell me
me: which you don't
me: so it's obvious you have never been there
me: and why should I tell you... so you can scam someone else better next time?
me: why should I do your work for you
me: you want to be a scam artist but you're lazy
sentremmy: is cos i don't go out with area girl
me: unless you were locked in a closet for 25 years you'd know something
sentremmy: am not a scam artist am a trst worhty person
me: okay... here's an easy one... who is the most famous govenment employer in Houston?
me: so tell me 10 things you know about Houston
sentremmy: sir i told u all the question u av been question is too difficult
me: of course they are too difficult if you're lying
sentremmy: am tired of this
me: you tell me you are telling the truth but then can't even tell me basic things about Houston
me: why because I've made you look like a fool
sentremmy: am really tired of this
me: me too
me: you're a really lousy scam artist
me: you really suck
sentremmy: am not
me: my 91 year old mother could scam better than you
sentremmy: u make tired
sentremmy: no pros
me: have you ever gotten some sap to send yuo money????
sentremmy: have a nice day
me: if not you might want to consider a career change
sentremmy: k
me: try an honest job
me: are you even female?
sentremmy: yes off course
sentremmy: should i show u my pics
me: ohh okay... so you can tell me now.. you have never been to Houston right?
sentremmy: what are u talking about
me: well I can show you pics of Robert Redford
me: wow you don't ever change the story do you
me: even when you get caught in a bald faced lie you just keep at it
me: it's amazing
sentremmy: pls can u help me to received some packages
sentremmy: so that i can sell it to get money
me: I think you are a liar a scam artist and a fraud and you still have the balls to ask me this???
me: well how are you going to pay for these packages if you have no money?
sentremmy: i will use my money to buy it and the company will send it to
sentremmy: u
me: well if you have money for packages... why not just buy an airline ticked and come home?
sentremmy: not like that my dad still have money in is account in texas
sentremmy: but nobody am going to send the packages to
me: ohh then it's simple... you don't need my help at all
sentremmy: i need it
me: go to the us embassy tomorrow tell them what happened... they will get in touch with the bank and get yuo money to go home
sentremmy: since u said u can send me money that is the reason i that so
sentremmy: help me pls
me: you just said your dad has money in the us
me: the embssy will help you get it
sentremmy: the goods is in the state
sentremmy: i just want u to help me to receive it and i will send ups or fedex to come and pick it up
me: how are you getting the money to pay for those things?
sentremmy: is footwear and clothes
me: you didn't answer my question
me: how are yuo paying for this stuff?
sentremmy: i use the small money with me here to pay for the stuff
sentremmy: k
me: well fedex to africa would be hudreds of dollars
me: enough money to come home
sentremmy: just for u to receive it and i will send they to pickit up
sentremmy: k
me: well how are you paying for it?
sentremmy: ii use the small money with me here to pay for the stuff
me: well how are you going to make enough money to come home that way then?
sentremmy: i will sell it and i will make profit
sentremmy: what is the time there
me: 2 hours earlier than houston
sentremmy: k
sentremmy: can u help me out
me: you must really be smoking some good shit
sentremmy: or u want me to devide it equally
me: 10 pounds shipped fedex to nigeria cost $225... how could you make any money????
sentremmy: don't worry about it
sentremmy: ok
sentremmy: just for u to receive it and i will send they to pickit up
me: oic... you give them a bogus account number then it gets rejected and billed back to the sender... got it
sentremmy: what do u means
sentremmy: not like that
me: so do you use stolen credit cards?
sentremmy: no
me: this is a really common African scam.... never quite sorted out exactly how you guys work it.... come on you can tell me
me: really this time
me: aren't you forgetting something?
sentremmy: what
me: that your dad has 22 million dollars in a lock box in Amsterdam and you need my help to get the money out
me: it's the only one of the usual african scams you missed.... oh wait you could have also asked me to cash a check
sentremmy: av a nice day
me: bye
me: go find some honest work becasue you suck at this
sentremmy: ur papa
me: wow after all this... that's the best you can do?
me: you really do suck
me: come on you must be really pissed with me
sentremmy: olori buruku
me: go find an honest job
me: but hey thanks it was really entertaining...
me: I'm going to publish it... everyone will get a great laugh

Field Guide to Scam Artists- Part II The Petty Scams

Now when I say small time I don’t necessarily mean that these people aren’t going to try to wreak serious havoc on your bank account or take serious advantage of you but they proposals are more plausible so in many respects require a good deal more thought than the major cons. For the big time cons to work the person being conned has to be at least vaguely dishonest so my perspective if they get taken they only have themselves to blame. But with these small time scams it’s possible (though unlikely if you pay attention) for a genuine good Samaritan to get taken in.

There are a lot of variations of the small time scams and often they will mix and match. The person you are chatting with will much more often be female than in the big time scams, well at least for me since I’m male they think I’m more susceptible to the charms of a woman than I would be a man. In fact some of these only work if I’m a man. So with that let’s look at the major classes of small time scam artist.

The Shop Owner

This is the most common African scam and I have to confess I’ve never figured out exactly how it works. I have several theories which I’ll discuss later but I’d have to get a little too involved to find out for certain. One thing I’m sure of though, never ever get involved! The scam goes something like this: They have a little shop where they sell things, clothing, electronics and such and they have bought some things but the company they bought them from doesn’t ship to Africa so could you receive them for them and ship them on to them.

On the surface it seems pretty plausible, they usually appeal to your Christian values and how they are hardworking just trying to make their lives better. But if you think about for a moment, credit cards are not widely available in Africa, so how is it they are paying for this merchandise? This scam can appeal to 2 kinds of people, the honest good Samaritan that would really want to help and to those with a somewhat larcenous streak that think “I’ll just keep the stuff.” Whatever your motives, don’t do it!

As I said I haven’t worked out the details of this scam, it’s either just out and out identity theft where they get enough information from you to use it, and you never see any merchandise and all you ever see are bills for credit cards you didn’t know you had. I think it’s far more likely that the merchandise will show up and they prey on most people’s natural honesty to send it on. They always tell you they have a fed ex account and they will tell me exactly what to do. So my guess is they give you a bogus fedex number, the merchandise is shipped off to them and then a month or so later you get a huge bill from fedex, probably followed up with a call from some credit card company’s fraud division.

I did go so far one time as to give someone a made up name and address, mostly because they asked me like 20 times and wouldn’t give up. So I became Scott Urkidin of 125 El Camino de Loco, San Cabeza, CA. Which they dutifully wrote down and actually asked me to repeat, I’m sure to see if I was telling the truth. They did come back a few days later and ask if the merchandise had arrived, so in this case it was probably more of an attempt of identity theft. When I explained to them they couldn’t have possibly ordered merchandise using that address because there was no such place as San Cabeza, they delivered a stream of expletives, but had the nerve to ask for my address again before storming off.

There are variations of this where people will just ask for addresses, I’ll have a five minute chat with someone and have them tell me they want to send me a card or a gift. My only advice here is: When in doubt don’t!

The Damsel in Distress

These are a personal favorite of mine. I guess it’s a sadistic streak I have. The story is basically this: They are young, beautiful (always accompanied by a picture of a beautiful mixed race woman), grew up in some city in the United States or in the UK have an African mother or father and have gone off to visit them but now some disaster has befallen them and they need help.

The reason I enjoy them so much is they usually have no idea about the place they purport to have come from and I can talk intelligently about most any major city in both the US and the UK. It’s very funny to watch them squirm when you ask very simple questions about their home town and they don’t have a clue. It usually doesn’t stop them from continuing the scam but it certainly makes it funny. They usually have addresses of where they lived but don’t even have vague notions of the city they are from. For an extreme example of this take a look at my Houston, we have a problem blog.

Now this scam can go in either of two directions, either a bald faced appeal for money so they can come home or more recently they have an American check that they can’t cash in Africa and would I cash it for them. They will then use the money to come back to the US. There are usually vague promises of sexual liaisons or relationships if you comply.

Both are easy to deal with, with the check you explain that your bank won’t take third party checks, which often gets you oh well they make the check to you. To this I respond: “If they can make the check to me why can’t they just send you the money by Western Union directly?” This of course is check mate and the conversation usually detiorates into name calling and profanity at this point.

My response to the other will vary depending on my mood. Usually I’ll just respond that I don’t send money to people I’ve never met and at that point I’ll tell them I don’t believe them but sometimes I counter offer. I say.” Tell you what. I’ll do better than money, I have a lot of frequent flyer miles so scan me your passport and I’ll get you a free ticket home.” Now they are in a real predicament because you are offering to give them exactly what they asked for but they don’t have a passport and the ticket is worthless to them. This is usually good for a lot of squirming and cajoling and backpedaling.

The Romance Proposal

Now there are two genres of these, one usually Asian that is mostly legitimate with a few variations Ill talk about later and the other mostly African which is almost always just a scam. They are easy to differentiate, the real ones want you to come meet them, the scams want you to send them money so they can come meet you.

The story always starts the same, they really like American men, but I have no allusions here English, Irish, Norwegian, Canadian men are all equally good. I’m sure Martian men are hot if they’ll send money!

There will be some basic discussion of age, career and marital status, then followed by how much they want to meet someone like me. Then asking me if I could ever love again (I’m a widower) and then asking if I want to marry them. I politely explain that I don’t do long distance romance to which they respond they can come to me. I ask how they plan on getting a visa which of course gets us to money. Send them money and they will take care of it. This of course is just a flat out scam playing on the vulnerabilities of people, they are looking for slightly lonely, slightly desperate guys looking for love on line. Who knows I may be one of those too… But I’m not that stupid!

Now there are a lot of Asian women on line, most of them are sweet and really looking for someone to marry them. No matter how you feel about that them most of them are fundamentally honest. There are a few that have figured out there is money to be made at this and will try and take advantage, but it’s all such small time I can’t even consider it a scam. I’ve had pretty girls message me and tell me it was their birthday and ask for a present. They must have people say yes and now do it all the time to see what they can get. I’ve actually had the same girl message me a couple months apart and tell me it was their birthday both times.

More often the girls are looking for an on going relationship, an internet boyfriend to send them money every month. Often in these countries $100 is an average monthly salary so some American guy sending three or four hundred a month is a bonanza. I have a dear friend in Viet Nam that tells me about all the girls that come to the internet café to meet their American boyfriends and make sure the Western Union delivery is coming while their local boyfriend waits in the wings. Scam? Probably not in the true sense and if sending the girls money makes you happy go for it. These girls at least try to offer something on some level.

There are others like the birthday girls that just throw stuff out to see what happens, I’ve been offered strip shows if I send them money for a private room, I’ve been asked to sponsor girl’s educations, I’ve even had girls flash their boobs and then ask me to send them a computer so they can show me more.

There are lots of other variations but mostly it’s a mix and match. One of my favorites was one that went from can you take delivery?… no… Can you cash a check?… no… I really like you can you send me money so I can visit you?.. No They then said okay… bye. I said “Wait aren’t you forgetting something?”

“What?” they say.

I respond “What about your uncle the general with $50 million he needs to get out of the country?”

“Fuck u” is the response..

Yay!!! I win!

Field Guide to Scam Artists- Part I The Big Cons

A field guide to scam artists:

I want to start by saying this is in no way racial. I’ve run into scam artists from many countries, men and women young and old. Some are looking for the big time score, but most are hoping to rely on someone’s generosity or loneliness to make a few bucks. A few aren’t scammers at all but trying to make ends meet and have stumbled on a way to make money on the net. Hey it’s more than a lot of dot coms did but more about them later.


The Big Cons:

This is the classic on line scam. They have millions and they need your help to get it and if you help them they will give you a big chunk of an astronomical amount of money. I think I personally have been offered amounts greater than the GDP of most of the countries these scams come from. Even after years of news stories these scams are still out there so there must still be gullible people out there. I get less of these now but I still bet once every two weeks I hear some variation. The amount of money varies I think the smallest amount I’ve seen is $9 million and the largest amount over $100 million. There are several variations on where the money came from. The ones I’ve commonly heard are:


Hi I’m a banker at some official sounding but fictitious bank and I deal with dormant accounts. I t recently came to my attention that we have (fill in ridiculously large sum of money here) on account that belonged to an American oil worker who was tragically killed with his entire family in a (choose 1 plane crash, helicopter crash, automobile accident, house fire) and that if something isn’t done very soon they are going to have to give the money to the government. But if someone was to pose as this person’s relative then they could collect the money. Sometimes it’s the same scam but a barrister or a solicitor instead of a banker, which is fun because they don’t usually know the difference.

The next major genre is that they are related to some figure that has been deposed and that they were able to get money out just before things really went bad, but now they are stuck and need my help. I’m sure you’ll be surprised to know that I’ve personally spoken to the wife of the former president of the Philippines (several of his wives in fact), the brother of the former leader of Liberia and assorted cousins, brothers in law and chauffeurs of many other world leaders. Sometimes I amaze myself with how many important people seek me out!

The last version of this is probably the least common. That’s the crooked bureaucrat. They work for some large government ministry and they have discovered some (fill in astronomical sum of money here) they didn’t spend but with their help they will get me qualified as a supplier and then I can invoice for a huge sum of money and they will see to it that I get paid.

All these cons work the same way. They want to get your confidence and then they need a few thousand dollars for this, a few thousand for that and that huge sum of money is getting closer but of course there is no money and the whole modis operendi is to get you to give them money now for the promise of a nonexistent fortune later. I’ve yet to see one of these schemes where what you were being drawn into wasn’t in someway illegal. So if you were entirely honest there is no way to could be drawn in. As WC Fields said “You can’t cheat an honest man.”

Mrs Estrada

Now most scam artists are African. But they don't have an exclusive franchise. This was the very first one I saved. I had other conversations but never thought to keep them. I had been talking about them with a filipino friend of mine. So when Mrs Etrada messaged me it was perfect. I kept the dialog to show my friend, so now it's here for everyone's enjoyment. The scammer is so focused on their schtick that they miss my obvious sarcasm. I've changed my handle in the dialog that follows but otherwise it's a complete record of the conversation, typos, profanity and all.


drestrada1234: hi
me: hi
drestrada1234: how are u?
me: okay... you?
drestrada1234: i am goos
drestrada1234: d
drestrada1234: asl plz
drestrada1234: ?
me: You can see my asl on my profile thanks
drestrada1234: ok
drestrada1234: give me some min to do that ok
me: ok
drestrada1234: nice profile
me: thanks
me: you don't have one
me: you m or f?
drestrada1234: i am a f
drestrada1234: politician
drestrada1234: from manila phil
me: ohhh okay
me: you're up early
drestrada1234: yes
me: how old are you?
drestrada1234: i am 43f
me: ahh okay
drestrada1234: My name is {DR. MRS. LUISA. ESTRADA,} the wife of {MR. JOSEPH
ESTRADA,} the former President of Philippines.
me: ohh okay.....
drestrada1234: My husband was recently impeached from office by a
Backed uprising of mass demonstrators and the Senate.
My husband is presently in jail and facing trial on
Charges of corruption, Embezzlement, and the
Mysterious charge of plunders which might lead to death sentence.
The present government is forcing my husband out of
Manila to avoid demonstration by his supporter.
me: uh huh.... bummer
drestrada1234: During my husband's regime as president of Philippine,
I realized some reasonable amount of money from
various deals that I successfully executed. I have
Plans to invest this money for my children's future on anything that
will be ok for then maybe industrial production. My husband is not
Aware of this because I wish to do it secretly for
Now.

me: well I'm not in that business.... you need a swiss banker or someone in the cayman islands where they tend to look the other way at where money came from
drestrada1234: Before my husband was impeached, I secretly! siphoned
the sum of $42.2million USD,
Out of Philippines and deposited the money with a security
Firm that transports valuable goods and consignments
through diplomatic means. I also declared that the
Consignment was solid gold and my foreign business
Partner owned it and I arranged it very well and put it in a metallic
Truck boxes and also made sure it has a security code that no one may
Be able to open it if not me that has the security code and the
Security Company believe me that it's some valuable
Items that I have in it. Even in the Documents it was stated that the
Value of it was$42.2 MILLION USD.

me: so if you try to bring it to the US.... our government seizes it and gives it back to the philippine govenrment
drestrada1234: no
drestrada1234: that's the reason why i am contacting u so that we have it arranged in a better way to move it
drestrada1234: I am contacting you because I want you to go to the
Security company and claim the money on my behalf
Since I have declared that the consignment belong to
My foreign business partner. You shall also be
required to assist me in investment in your country
me: well I can't help you... you need someone that can move it to some country that doesn't care too much where it came from
drestrada1234: look
drestrada1234: the security company
drestrada1234: is in europe
me: where in europe?
drestrada1234: in Holland Amsterdam
drestrada1234: all u need to do is to go to the security company
drestrada1234: but before then
drestrada1234: i will have to forward your contact info to them a
drestrada1234: and let them know that u are my business partner
drestrada1234: so that they will contact u and arrange things with u on when you will be traveling for the clearing of the consignment
drestrada1234: k
me: I see... well I'm in holland every month or so so that's not a problem.... the problem would be moving cash out of holland..their banking laws are the same as american ones
drestrada1234: hope to trust you and I al! so believe that you are the type that a
Sister in need could relay on.
And I know that you will not sit on this money when you claim it,
Rather assist me
Properly, I will compensate you with 15% of the total capital after
You might have claimed it for me.
When I receive your positive response I will let you
Know where the security company is and the security pin code to
Claim the consignment

drestrada1234: look
drestrada1234: the security company will assist you on how to bank the money
me: and what is this positive response?
drestrada1234: u will have to pay the taxk to the bank over there so that the govet will not worry
drestrada1234: look
me: ohh I see... sorry I don't have any money to bay anything up front
drestrada1234: u don't understand
drestrada1234: what i mean is that u will have to pay the taxk from the money
me: sure I do......
drestrada1234: so that they will not give u any trouble
me: ohh I see...
drestrada1234: look
drestrada1234: the money is in cash
drestrada1234: in the box but i deposited it as valuable items such as gold and diamond
me: I see
drestrada1234: then i locked the box up with some security code numbers
me: ok
drestrada1234: so that no one will be able to open it
drestrada1234: but i will give u the code number to open it when u are ready to travel for the claim
drestrada1234: the only thing u need to do is to clear it out from the company
drestrada1234: but before then i will have to contact them and let them know that u are my business partner
me: I see.. so why me?
drestrada1234: don't say that
drestrada1234: it's one day that someone will get to know each other
drestrada1234: k
me: no I'm curious.. why did you choose me?
drestrada1234: because i have seen that u can take care of it
me: how have yuo seen that???
drestrada1234: and it's oneday that someone will get to know each otehr
drestrada1234: because i saw your profile
me: I see... how do you know it's not a compltete fabrication?
drestrada1234: because i saw your face and your age is not small to gamble with me
drestrada1234: k
drestrada1234: all u need do is to give me your contact info
drestrada1234: so that I will forward to the security company
drestrada1234: and have them contact u as my business partner
drestrada1234: so that u will arrange with them on when u will be traveling for the claim
drestrada1234: k
me: well it seems to me very foolish to trust someone you just met on the net with your children's future
drestrada1234: yes
drestrada1234: i know u will feel that way
drestrada1234: but u know u will have to give me some infors about u before we can get started
drestrada1234: while i will also so
me: yeah but how do yuo know I won't make that up?
drestrada1234: because i have see your face and your age is not small to do that
drestrada1234: because i have see your face and your age is not small to do that
drestrada1234: i know u will really invest the money for me in profitable business
me: well that would be a full time job to invest that kind of money.... it's not what I do
drestrada1234: yes
drestrada1234: but u can get a well reputable persib to assist us in doing that
drestrada1234: maybe in
drestrada1234: real estate
me: I see.... okay...
me: so what information do you need from me?
drestrada1234: or guying of hotels and industral productions and stuck exchange
drestrada1234: just your full name and contact tel number
drestrada1234: so that i will forward to them
me: well 42 million won't go far in buying hotels
drestrada1234: i need to make them understand that u are my business partner
drestrada1234: really
drestrada1234: ?
me: really
me: you really need to find a professioal to do this for you
drestrada1234: yes but it will go a long way in real estate
drestrada1234: business
drestrada1234: even if u can not help me to invest the money
me: depends where..... depends no what sort of liquidity you need
drestrada1234: all i need is to help me and get the money out from the security company
drestrada1234: so that I will come over to the states and give u the 15% of the total amount
drestrada1234: then i will be able to get someone through u that will be of good assistance to me in investing the money
me: well I don't want 15%....
drestrada1234: why
drestrada1234: ?
me: tel yuo what pay me $1000 up front to go to amsterdam and another $10,000 once the deal is done and I'll handle it for you and you can keep all the money
drestrada1234: u don't understand
drestrada1234: look
me: what don't I understand?
me: that seems like a way better deal to you... I'm telling you I donlt want 15%
drestrada1234: the reason why i have promised to compensate u with the 15% is because u will have to take care of your tarveling ex to holland
drestrada1234: the phil govert has confiscated all my local accounts here
drestrada1234: so i don't have money here
drestrada1234: I only hope that u get the money for me so that i will take care of things from the money
me: okay.... well how would you come to the US to pay me the 15%?
drestrada1234: i even want to relocate from here as soon as you finalize the transaction
drestrada1234: look
drestrada1234: i even want to relocate from here as soon as you finalize the transaction
drestrada1234: look
drestrada1234: i want a situation where by u go to amsterdam and open up a non residential account where the money will be transfered into as soon as you clear it for an onward transfer into your personal account in your country
drestrada1234: but before then a change of ownership will be made in your name
drestrada1234: to avoid any trace from the phi govet
me: soon as i transferred that in in holland the Dustch autorities would confiscate it
drestrada1234: all i will do is to claim that u are my family friend
drestrada1234: not really
drestrada1234: u will have to open maybe 4 accounts
me: more like 4,000 accounts
drestrada1234: and deposit it in different acc numbers
me: anthinng over 10000euro by a non eu citizen is goona get scrutinized
drestrada1234: the security company will also assist u because u will make themmto believe that u have sold the valuables
drestrada1234: and have converted them into cashk
drestrada1234: no
me: well security companies aren't in that business.... they hold assets but that's it
drestrada1234: they will have to assist u in getting every necessary documantations to
drestrada1234: to let the govet know that the money is not for drug or Terrorism
drestrada1234: yes
drestrada1234: all u need to do is to contact them some days after u have cleared the consignment
drestrada1234: and let them know that u have converted the gold into cash
me: well this is interesting..... but you know what?
drestrada1234: but i will also contact them in your favor before then
drestrada1234: what?
me: you're the 4th mrs estrada that's contacted me in the last 6 months or so
drestrada1234: really?
drestrada1234: are u there?
me: really.....
drestrada1234: listin
me: so tell me do you have to buy a franchise from the nigerians... or do you freelance???
drestrada1234: some people are using my name in a bad way
drestrada1234: not really
drestrada1234: look
drestrada1234: i will forward to u now
drestrada1234: my international identity
drestrada1234: to clearify u from the doubth u are having about me ok
drestrada1234: i will also send my family official web pages to u
drestrada1234: k
drestrada1234: if u must work with me we must work with trust so as to have things done in a very confidential and legitimate way
me: only way you could make me believe you is to send me money....
drestrada1234: that's impossible
drestrada1234: because i am in trouble here
drestrada1234: all my local accounts here has been confiscated by the phil new govet
me: oh well.... so I think you are a fraud and a scam artist
drestrada1234: so the only money i have in the money in holland
drestrada1234: if u say so
drestrada1234: thanks a lot
drestrada1234: I know u have many good reasons to say so becaus of ur past Experiences
me: well it was fun... but this old scam has really run it's course....
drestrada1234: I think it will be very hard for u to work with me
me: you might find another line of work
drestrada1234: because i want someone i will trust and the person trust me too
me: so how do I know you are the real one and not another fraud???
drestrada1234: what do u mean?
drestrada1234: i would have sent my international identity to u
me: well you're obviously not the samer person that contacted me before....
drestrada1234: and some pictures of me and some of my family official web pages
me: well I can send you a national idetity that makes me the queen of sheeba what does that prove???
drestrada1234: ok
drestrada1234: forget it then
me: well I should send you my web site... I'm the kind of notafuggingidiot land
me: give it up.... people are on to this scam
me: if you were real I'd turn you over to the phil authorities in a heartbeat.....
drestrada1234: thnanks
me: sure no problem... I can't wait until my friend from the nbi comes on later... I've been keeping this dialogue... she's gonna get a real laugh
drestrada1234: u must be a very folish Man
drestrada1234: i know?
drestrada1234: right?
me: yup I'm a fool
me: you can't con an honest man
me: the whole scam relies on people being greedy
me: and if they're not you're fucked
me: sure no problem... I can't wait until my friend from the nbi comes on later... I've been keeping this dialogue... she's gonna get a real laugh
drestrada1234: u must be a very folish Man
drestrada1234: i know?
drestrada1234: right?